With all the political chatter going on and our Nevada caucus in full swing, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I would like to nominate my cat for President.
Maybe you think that’s funny. Or worse, insulting – but please at least briefly indulge my reasoning. Believe it or not, this wouldn’t be the first time a cat ran for office. My decision to nominate my cat for president comes from absorbing way too much media hype around the current top-runners for both parties (Republican & Democrat). While there is so much more to these individual candidates than the entertaining narratives repeated on the news, I’ve noticed so many of my fellow citizens swallow that whole story – hook, line and sinker. It causes me great concern that the next leader of the free world could be elected based on a couple good sound bites. Ludicrous – yet probable. And since we are considering the irrational, it makes perfect sense to nominate my cat for president (and it wouldn’t be the first time a cat was the better candidate). Here’s why.
1. My Cat Is A Winner
My cat loves to win. Everything is a competition to him – he has to be the first one to get his food, the closest to my chest when I lay on the couch, the ONLY one
allowed at the foot of the bed, etc. He’s a winner. And he’s proud of being a winner. He looks at me with the “I always win and no one can beat me because everyone loves me the most” look in his eye… And I can’t help but want to tell him he’s right. After all, he’s ALWAYS right. If we are going to vote for a winner, please nominate my cat for president. Although, this cat is such a winner, he may not even need a nomination.
2. My Cat Wants To Be The First Feline President
Oh yeah he does. My cat is tired of seeing human presidents getting elected every 4 years (try to name the last president that took action on feline reform!). They get higher benefits, better pay and more attention than felines. My cat wants to break through that glass ceiling and prove to voters that a feline can make just as good a president as any of the half-witted humans we elect. He’s going to inspire all felines to demand more respect from their humans and, thus, give felines a better advantage in life. Would you like to see real change that can’t wait? Vote for my cat.
3. My Cat Likes To Hear Himself Talk
It’s almost endearing. The sound has to be set up just right so that he can best hear himself say all the wonderful things he’s sure we all want to hear. He literally
goes into the room with the best acoustics, lets out a few normal meows (his version of a soundcheck, I think) and then talks up a STORM! And when he’s done talking, he looks around to make sure that everyone has heard him. There’ve been a few times that I just ignore him (because I’m busy doing real life things), and he just walks a little closer and talks a little louder. He needs the attention so he’ll say anything – just to be heard (by himself mostly). Personally, I think his gifts would be better suited for a career in tele-evangelization (or used car sales?), but if these front-runners are any indication, my little talker would bring some major competition. He’s so good, he doesn’t even need a communications director. 🙂
4. My Cat Thinks we Should ALL Enjoy Prey (even if we can’t hunt)
My cat absolutely cannot stand the fact that the outdoor neighborhood cats get to hunt their prey AND eat it. It’s not fair to him. Once elected, my cat will introduce purrsuasive legislation to ensure that all hunter cats must share their prey with indoor cats. Hunting (and its spoils) is a feline right. More than that, it’s an instinct. Just because some human decided to have an indoor cat does not negate the right of prey. Want a cat that hunts for you and shares dinner? That’s a future to believe in!
Have you ever even imagined one candidate with all the goods? Now that you know one exists, I hope you’ll stand with me and help nominate my cat for president!